I can't believe he'll be gone for a whole month. I don't know how I can live without Dahvie being around.
Dahvie is going to Europe for a month with his mom. He wanted to do something for her since she's supported him throughout his whole life and he felt like he really should do something in return. Which I admire so much about him. He's so caring and sweet, how could I have not fallen for him?
I wanted to go with him, but I knew it'd be best to stay. The last time he left for a long time was when he took his girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, to Vegas. I could've went with them, but I'd definitely feel like a third wheel. Plus, I didn't want to see him with anyone. It pained me to see him with someone else. He was gone for a whole two weeks, and the only way we could talk was over then phone. I just wanted to see his lovely smile again. That's why, after that trip, I bought us a set of webcams so we could talk together every night when we're apart.
I hated seeing him leave on that plane, but at the same time was happy he could spend quality time with his mother and have a good time. Europe was one of his favorite places to be. When we went there on tour all he could talk about for a week after was how we needed to go back there next tour. When he reminisced, the smile on his face was big and bright, just like a kid on Christmas when they first saw the presents under the tree. I wanted him to be happy, and I'd do anything to to make it happen.
I anxiously waited until the time we set to talk. For me it was 10pm. Time seemed to go by like the seconds were trapped in deep mud and could hardly move. Every time I'd look at the clock I'd see that only a minute had passed even though it felt like an hour. I walked around the house, trying to find things to distract myself with and make time go by faster. I tried watching tv, eating a snack, organizing any mess I'd come by. It felt like torture waiting for 10pm. I knew it'd be like this every day, and that made me want to just curl up in a ball and not wake up until he was back in this house.
Finally, the time came around and practically at 10pm exactly, my laptop came alive showing that Dahvie was calling. I immediately clicked "accept" and waited for the video chat to load. As soon as it did, a huge smile spread over our faces.
We greeted each other, then spent the next couple minutes making sure everything was working properly. The sound was a bit off and the video lagged a lot, but I was still happy I could talk to him. It was only the first day and I missed him like crazy. I don't think I'll be able to last an entire month without his wonderful presence.
I asked him the usual questions, like how his flight was, the weather, the hotel, how his mom was, stuff like that. Each time his response was always positive. Everything there was going well for him, and knowing that made me happier than you can imagine. Nothing makes me happier than knowing he's happy, and having a good time. I just want the best for him.
We talked for nearly an hour until his mom asked us to quiet down because she wanted to sleep. We respected her wishes, but before we signed off,he spoke.
"I'm really going to miss you over the next month, Jayy. I wish you could've came here with us." I smiled at the comment, hearing him say he missed me made my heart beat faster and a warm feeling spread through me.
"I'm going to miss you too. I already miss you, and it's only been a day..." i paused, a downhearted expression consumed my face. Not wanting him to feel bad, i looked back to him and smiled, "Well, party hard for me, ok? Goodnight."
"Goodnight," he smiled sweetly before ending the call.
I set my laptop on the nightstand next to my bed, curling up as I played the call over and over again in my head. It was nice to hear he was already enjoying his stay. But I couldn't stand being away from him. Having him around was one of the only things keeping me sane. Just being near him sent happy feelings through my body, and I couldn't be upset around him no matter what. If there's something wrong, he's always there to comfort me. He's truly the only person who's ever made me feel this way. A single tear escaped, hitting the bed sheets with a hollow sound. I shut my eyes, and drifted off into a restless sleep.
For the next week, we talked over the webcams every night. Each time being lost in the pointless topics. He'd always tell me what happened that day, anything he could think of he'd tell me. I didn't care if he told me the most pointless things, I wanted to hear every detail. I loved hearing his voice, and the small giggles that would escape when he told some stories. I didn't want to say goodbye, I hated it. I just wanted him to be back home with me.
It was about the 17th day he was gone. I can hardly stand being away from him. The calls are the only things I look forward too. I just can't stop thinking about the next time I can talk to him. That call that day will always be in mind.
We were laughing at something that happened to him that day. We couldn't control the loud fits of laughter that burst out of us. My stomach began to hurt, as well as my head from the lack of oxygen. As our laughter died down, he suddenly stopped as I continued to giggle. I soon realized he had stopped, so I forced myself to quit laughing. He was staring at me with an amused grin. I noticed something else in his eyes, but couldn't really tell what it was. Giggling lightly, I asked him, "what?"
Suddenly, he shook his head as if he was just out of it for a second. "oh nothing, sorry."
Even with the horrible quality of camera, I could still see a blush had risen in his pale cheeks. I gave him a quizzical look, and asked why he had just stopped laughing all of a sudden. He brushed it off, saying it was nothing. But I pushed on. I don't know why, but I sensed there really was a reason. I kept trying to get him to tell me, but he wouldn't let up.
"Please Dahvie! Just tell me. I really want to know." I pleaded.
Again, he was reluctant, "there's no reason I just... I just... I don't know. Look, I have to go, ok? I'm really tired," obviously faking a yawn after he said that.
"Dahvie, please, tell me. Come on Dahvie-bear." I stuck out my bottom lip like a child would, causing him to laugh quietly. I tried my best to keep that face, but it soon turned into a wide grin and I laughed along with him. He let out a sigh, and then the same look from before came across his face.
"I love your laugh, Jayy." He cast his eyes down, "there, I told you. Happy?"
I smiled even bigger than I had in days. "Very happy."
"Goodnight," he said as his smile slowly grew at my reaction.
"Night." I shut off my laptop, and cuddled into my blanket, my smile never leaving my face as I fell into a deep sleep.
The next week went by easier, just from that little comment. Every time I'd remember it, a huge smile would be on my face immediately. I couldn't really be that sad that he was gone. That simple statement made my entire week. I still missed him like crazy, and I couldn't wait for him to be back in a week. Thinking about him finally getting back made my heart jump for joy, but also made it clench with fear.
Reason for this is, I plan on telling him how I feel. I know that his reaction might not be the one I'm hoping for. I don't even think he likes me like that. But I know I have to do it. Since he's been gone, I've realized some things. He's the one person who truly makes me happy. The way he talks, his laugh, his smile, all the little things about him, all seem absolutely perfect to me. I catch myself smiling at his actions more than I really should. The thing that I've realized that scared me at first and stood out the most was, that I loved him.
At first I thought I was exaggerating my feelings. Did I really love him? But the more I thought about, the more I paid attention to myself during our calls, it started to be clear to me. I realized there was no fooling myself. And I also realized, I needed to tell him. Whether or not I thought he felt the same. I mean, I kind of think he does at times. Some of his comments seem like they have a meaning behind them, like when he said he loved my laugh. I started noticing little details about him while we talked. Some of which, matched the ways I acted towards him. Maybe I was just forcing my emotions onto how I perceived his actions. But either way, I'll find out when he gets here.
It was the day he'd be back home. His plane is supposed to land at 5pm, and right now I'm anxiously driving to the airport. In my head, I'm frantically trying to think of a way to tell him everything. And what if he doesn't feel the same? What will happen? I decided on a way to tell him, but I'd wait until we're home.
"Plane number 55 has landed." the announcer spoke over the speakers. I jumped off my seat and ran to the gates, Dahvie's plane had finally landed. I bounced impatiently as the many people filed out slowly from the plane. Where's Dahvie? Him and his mom must have been in the very back. An irritated groan sounded in my throat as the line of people seemed to walk in slow motion. Suddenly, I saw the flash of bright green and black hair appear in the crowd. A happy gasp escaped both of us as we made eye contact. He ran out of the line as fast he could, running up to me. I ran toward him as well, like a scene from a movie. He dropped all his bags and nearly jumped into my arms. I hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go. I heard a collective "aweh" from the people around us. I smiled and muzzled into his dark hair, placing a small kiss to the side of his head.
"I missed you so much, Jayy." He whispered into my ear. I told him I missed him too as him mom walked up to us, crossing her arms and smiling.
"See, Dahvie? I told you we shouldn't have been gone so long." we pulled apart so we could leave. Dahvie walked back to where he dropped his bags and picked them up. We walked closely together as we made our way to get the rest of their luggage.
As Dahvie sat in the rows of people to get the luggage, as all the suitcases slowly made their way along the conveyer belt, his mom spoke to me.
"You know, Dahvie really missed you."
I nodded, "I missed him too. A lot. That was the longest month of my life."
She smiled, "you two really are a mystery to me."
"What do you mean?" A mystery to her? I looked down at her with a confused expression, making her laugh and shrug.
"I just think you both are missing something that should be obvious." I was about to question her again, but Dahvie appeared from the crowd with the suitcases. I grabbed two of them, and we made our way to the car.
We dropped his mom off at her house, then made our way to our house. All the way there, he somehow managed to tell me more things that happened. I don't really know if he had already told me some of these things, for I was lost in my own thought. I was going to tell him once he was settled in again, which would be in about 2 hours. I could feel my heart racing as I continued to think of all the possible outcomes.
We had gotten home, he had unpacked and taken a shower. Now, we were laying on the couch together, him curled up on my side. I never wanted to leave this spot, but I knew I needed to tell him, and this might just be the best time. I shifted slightly as I told him I needed to tell him something.
Sitting up, he replied, "what is it?"
"well," here it goes. I took in a deep breathe as I spoke. "so while you were gone, I had a lot of time to think. And I realized some things, too. I don't really know how to explain all this."
He placed his hands over mine, encouraging me to continue.
"I don't know how I should say this. And I don't know how you'll react to it. I don't want this to change anything, if you don't feel the same..." I trailed off and cast my eyes down. He placed one hand under my chin and made me look back up at him.
"I think I know what you're trying to say," he smiled, then quickly kissed me. He pulled back to see my reaction. I couldn't help but smile. "Was I right?"
I nodded my head rapidly, "does this mean you feel the same?"
As an answer he kissed me again, then cuddled into my chest. "I love you, Jayy."
I felt an overwhelming happiness as i heard those words.
"I love you too, Dahvie."